"I'm A Dark Little Poet Tonight"

"I don't mean to sound cold or cruel or vicious, but I am so that's the way it comes out."

-Bill Hicks, 1961-1994

... it's 1993, and my good friend Jo Young introduces me to a recording of comedian Bill Hicks (Rant in E-Minor), I was hooked and immediately became a complete fan. 1 year later, Bill was dead; he was 33 years old . RIP you dark little poet...

Now I know I'm not the only person to say this, but there's always been a special place in my heart for Hicks. He was, after all, something of a poet of our times. He did not dress up political confusion, and he certainly didn't have all the answers, but he did make you think about shit that was under the surface, and for that I am eternally grateful.

Couple of books that are either about him or written by him. Both are definitely worth reading, as they say as much about the times & Political climate Bill lived in as they do about the man himself.

Of course, Bill was gaining something of a cult status in the UK for his outspoken Stand Up Routines; some of the official recordings are here, but it's really not hard to find his stuff.

interestingly, and unlike some of his peers, Hick's material does not seem to have dated at all, in fact, it's become eerily topical , and there is also a Poignancy to his work - not least one of his most memorable comments during the "revelations" shows that were aired not long before he passed away. (insert lump in throat here)

"The world is like a ride in an amusement park and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and around and around and it has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud. And it's fun - for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question; is this real? Or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, and they say, "Hey, don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because... this is just a ride."

- Bill Hicks

"Don't Drive a Car When You're Dead"

...Wise words Graham, wise words. This is Graham "Two Bob" Branch. (I know his face might look familiar, but I promise you, he is not from bumfights. I've known Graham (about as well as he'll let you know him) for about 10 years. he was the first person I ever served, on my first shift, Shakespeare's Head Pub, Brighton. I haven't been able to get rid of him yet. (Just look at his face....)

I never thought I'd say this out loud, but I think everyone should have a Graham Branch in their lives. I mean, how else would I have been educated on the genius of Thelonious Monk ("Thelonious Monk me up, buttercup!") , The Grandeur of Graham Green's Brighton Rock ("You're milky Spicer!") or Henry Holland's Architecture of Brighton's Pavilion. Similarly, I would never of had the pleasure of listening to the entire history of Grahams' teeth (pictured are his brand spanking new ones), or stories of his terrible depressions (I'm terribly depressed) , not to mention his interesting choices in female company. The many, many faces of Graham include; Graham the Hospitality Rep, Graham the Taxi Driver, Graham the Estate Agent, Graham the Gardener.

There's something poetic about seeing him glide through my local pub, drunk as a lord, whirling dervish arms flailing, as if after a session of Electro Therapy. and it's all down to the this "little slurpette"

Graham, I salute you, and all that sail near to you!: "Get a Lifestyle"

As tribute, today's blog is devoted, in part, to those rogue imbibers, old soaks, grand lushes, those royally tanked and oiled amongst us: to the pissed and the damned!

Some people just know exactly what to say:

• "I feel sorry for people that don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day": Frank Sinatra


• "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools": Ernest Hemingway


• "A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her": W.C. Fields


• "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy": Benjamin Franklin
  

"Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends"

I've always had a fascination with the self destruction and degradation that often comes with a drinkers life (Fact: I have woken up with my face in sick at least a once in my adult life. Not pretty, or romantic, or something you tell a women on a first date.) Charles Bukwoski, Jack Kerouac, John Fante, George Best, Oliver Reed, All of them beautifully fucked up and hideous and wonderful:

Some other Glorious & Beautiful Freaks:

• Dylan Thomas: At the age of 39, Doctors' told Thomas that to continue to drink was to die, but he drank on. "Do not go gentle into that good night," he wrote. "Rage, rage against the dying of the light." He died suddenly of acute alcoholism in the midst of his 1953 U.S. lecture tour.


• Edgar Alan Poe: A college classmate once wrote; "Poe's passion for strong drink was as marked and as peculiar as that for cards . . . without a sip or a smack of the mouth he would seize a full glass and send it home at a single gulp." Poe, at 27, married. She was 13 years old and tubercular at the time; when she died, Poe, in his anguish sought relief in alcohol and drugs. He died after a drinking bout, at the age of 40. "Nevermore!"


• Jackson Pollock: Pollock kept himself sober for the purposes of splattering enamel paint over floor-bound canvas . But when drunk, Pollock raged, and chose to do a lot of public pissing . Stunted by the pressure of sudden stardom, he got depressed, drunk and unproductive. He was killed after driving his a car into a tree, killing one other passenger. It was rumoured to be suicide. My guess is he may have been drinking... dribble:

Charlie Brooker, you're my Hero!

Charlie Brooker's Screen Wipe & Screen Burn are literally about the only things that make me laugh until I feel sick. His BBC4 show was on irritatingly late, but I would wait up, sitting there looking like a dog being shown a card trick, hanging on to his every word, laughing like a school boy who just heard his first fart joke. Long live Charlie Brooker....

Some may know that he was in part responsible for "Brass Eye" "TV Go Home" & "Nathan Barley" this may be a decent link to some of his stuff : His wit is extremely acerbic and not to everyone's taste admittedly, but Genius is so rarely well received isn't it? (pompous arse)



TV Ideas that we'll never see:

Don’t you point at me!
Channel 4 funds a new documentary experience: Would-be TV presenter hopefuls are given a film crew for 1 day . Their task: to point at random members of the public until a fight erupts, possibly with more than one recipient, and hopefully in a 24 hour convenience store just off the Muswell Hill roundabout

Llama's On Ice:
Watch in awe as Llama’s ice skate & then occasionally spit at two year old children in the audience: presented by Natasha Kaplinsky

Women are from Mars, Men Don't Care
“It’s a Knockout” style survival game show. The Female Vs Male eternal “battle” is played out: Each week there is a different theme (Medieval, Biblical, Watts Riots…) the end inevitably involves a death by bludgeoning with a tyre iron. – presented by Jeremy Kyle.

Mark Kermode’s 50’s throw back Cook Off:
50’s style throwback Mark Kermode presents late night bed-sit cooking show. C-list Celebrities stagger onto the set half cut, after drinking Czechoslovakian wines in the green room. They reminisce about their first flat shares & embarrassing sexual experience at Stage School , whilst microwaving a baked potato – Kermode shouts at them, and discusses European Cinema, making C-Lister's and audience alike feel inadequate. (BBC4, possibly)

Tim Burton's Gothic Makeovers
Tim Burton does Laurence Llewellyn-Bowen makeovers of inner city housing Projects. Watch as Hooded A.S.B.O gun runners come home to find their flats have been painted opaque black from floor to ceiling, and decorated with figurines of Edward Scissor Hands, displayed in glass cabinets…

Cat Mangler!
Woozy – experimental visual hijacking: Ray Winston literally mangles cats through a Victorian Landry Mangle, whilst shouting things like “Shut it you scroat” Music by Lemon Jelly.

"Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world"

The quote is from Actress & Comedienne Lily Tomlin; and it's (almost) my sentiments exactly!

Looking back on previous posts of the last few days, it's clear that there is already a pattern emerging in terms of content: So, what we're looking at is a film/TV/Music/Pop culture reference blog. Damn it all!, I thought I was making this slightly quirky-original-kooky-unique-please-like-me!-blog- blog.....

Now I realise there's a bit of a problem with that intention; there are something like 50 Million Blogs out there in the wilderness - all I can hope that the odd passer by looks at something here & doesn't think it's shit!

The things people will do to get attention

TV Journalist Christine Chubbuck , July 15, 1974 shot herself in the noggin on live telly!. I mean, SHE WAS ALREADY ON TELLY, how much attention do you need. She was probably just a bit tired.

It's not unusual for young children to do a runner, in the vain attempt at punishing their parents for not giving them enough chips for tea or something, adults should just know better - this story just takes it to a whole other level;

In Hollywood the normal rules don't apply: Attention seeking can go too far, often resulting in deaths that are always intriguing, and sometimes a little weird;

• Peter Finch: died of massive heart attack while promoting the film Network . He was first and only actor to ever receive an Oscar posthumously; "I'm as mad as Hell, & I'm not gonna take it anymore!"
• Montgomery Clift: 1957 Smashed his car into a telephone pole after leaving a jolly at the home Elizabeth Taylor. Clift needed plastic surgery, his handsome appearance permanently disfigured. The "before and after" face of Clift was obvious. Clift became ever so slightly hooked on booze and pills (well, you would...), and his health deteriorated. Clift died in 1966 at aged 45 , of complications brought on by his "slight" fags/booze/pills addictions
• Judy Garland: (The Wizard of Oz.). Official cause of death: barbiturate poisoning "incautious self-over dosage", otherwise translated as, Utter madness made her think that 1 bottle of pills was a reasonable amount to take. Gay men still weep.
• Elizabeth Short: AKA "The Black Dahlia" - Most disturbing of them all! Aspiring film actress found in a vacant lot in downtown L.A. her body had been "savagely mutilated" and "hacked in half at the waist." No one has ever been arrested in connection with the murder. But hey, it's OK, Coz they made a film about it
• But for my money, one of the best "Look at me, I'm mad, me" attention seekers of the last 50 years just has to be Mr Evel Knievel: on his official website there is this absolute classic paragraph:

Some career highlights include:

1) Jan. 1968 - Crashed in an attempt to clear the fountains at Caesar's Palace in Los Vegas

2) May 1971 - Crashed in an attempt to clear 13 Pepsi Cola trucks in Yakima

3) March 1972 - Suffered serious injury in San Francisco's Cow Palace when his motorcycle crashed in a very difficult landing area.

4) September 1974 - After two unsuccessful unmanned test flights Evel decided to keep his word to his fans and risked his life in a specially constructed rocket powered "Skycycle" in an attempt to clear the Snake River Canyon in Idaho. Even though he made it across the quarter mile wide chasm, strong winds blew the malfunctioning parachute back into the canyon, landing just a few feet from the swirling river in which he would have surely drowned.

5) May 1975 A record crowd of over 90,000 at Wembley Stadium in London, England watched as Evel crashed upon landing, breaking his pelvis after clearing 13 double-tiered buses.

Watch this crazed hero of my childhood fall off bikes here. Call me cynical, but that's 5 career highlights I can live without!. Better still, buy one of your own.

Bless Evel, that crazy ol' drunken wife beater is still alive and suing the shit out of Kanye West for adopting a "certain likeness" in a recent Music Video ; Raise a glass to the maddest redneck on a motorbike you'll ever see jumping over stuff, needlessly (sensible people drive around...)

That's not even the tip of the iceberg - I'll save that for another day:

And in Other News:

My Girlfriend has had a continuing battle with the banality and bureaucracy of our local Council in Brighton regarding parking permits; (I don't drive so it's not really my rant...) I'll have to add a point or too here when I've spoken to her about the actual facts of the matter - rather than make unsubstantiated remarks that amount to rumour & conjecture - after all, I wouldn't want to get sued by the council - imagine that...

We live in a fairly nice part of Brighton: But the Council are total Mung Bean eaters. I mean, only in Brighton could a City Council take years to decide what should happen to this until this finally happens: Bloody shameful, the only A-listed Pier left in the UK, now stuck out there like a discarded Turkey Carcass. So, if they can't sort out a stationary structure in the sea, what chance have you got with a parking permit!.

Plug of The Day:

Red Nose Day is Friday 16th March here is the website to contribute. I will no doubt drop some coins into a bucket at my local pub

"I Hate Dogs"

".. no you don't" says my girlfriend;

"You love Archie...."

Archie belongs to our Friends, Ian & Steve. He is a very cool dog (Pictured left , in Cornwall November 2006) Labrador's are so funny. He's a total idiot, but you gotta love him:

It's true, I'm a total sap for his stupid little face!. (not as stupid as this one ) Thought it would be good to add a picture of him here.

The missus is happy I have a new hobby (i.e. this blog) I'll remind her of that in a couple of months time.... So let's get cookin'!

As this is the random section today, here's what I've come up with:

• Anyone who liked "Six Feet Under" will want to check this: (this is quite hard to find, so it will no doubt go down in a matter of days)
  
• New Bands, MP3 downloads & free stuff @ "This Is fake"
  
• Amy Winehouse: Ever so slightly wrong, but so right! She simply has the best voice out there right now, even if she does come across as some kind of 1950's b-movie gak freak. - "get yer 'and of 'errr, she mine you cahhnt" it's like watching a car crash in slow motion, innit?. this is good too
  
• A short animation called Rabbit: Imagine, if you will, those old ladybird ABC books, combined with symbolism of Fight Club. Bit weird, but in a good way.
• We got a Wii recently - so far , so ordinary; but "Rayman Raving Rabbids" is a right fecking laugh! forget the game - the "Rabbids" rule

I think that's enough for one day....

"It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information"

The quote is from Oscar Wilde

The Picture is by an Artist called Varga
He was Hungarian, and drew just about the best airbrush pictures of Pin Up Women for Esquire Magazine before & After World War II.

I've been sending random links by e-mail to friends for a while now, in the vain hope that they would carry on thinking I was an OK person(!) - so at least with this blog they can stop worrying about trivial little annoyances such as e-mails from me... (Dear friends, feel free to drop your links onto me!)

I've been watching a bit of old TV on line lately (Alias, Weeds, Peep Show) here is one of the better sites I've found where you can watch a lot of content for free. There are Movie Sites too, but the links do go down pretty quick (Borat was on for about 4-5 days..) worth looking if you're bored.

I'm not a massive fan of Anime ( I watched "Spirited Away" with my 4 year old daughter, which was beautiful) but one company that I find fascinating are tokyoplastic there website is definitely worth a look at। this is also awesome!

This is not Anime, or intellectually challenging, but just funny

Twilight Zone used to scare the shit out of me: now I can watch from behind the sofa again

This one is for my good brudder Barry: Word.

I don't know about you, but Noel Fielding's stupid face makes me piss myself : Every silly moment of 'The Mighty Boosh" is here (Series 1 & 2)

I'm Entering the Hell Mouth of Blog:

My Girlfriend tells me I should get a hobby. Pah!. I'm perfectly happy siting around looking at needless shit on the Internet and laughing at silly bollocks on You Tube or something like that:

I like movies a lot, and spend too much time getting all nerdy over IMDB trivia (usually, at work I can get away with a couple of hours checking pointless facts about one film or another that I've watched the night before. That's a hobby, right?) I'm a 36 year old boy masquerading as a competent human. At least I don't have peoples' lives in my hands, they would be buggered if that were true.

I'm certainly hoping this might end up being a pointless dumping ground for stuff that I find slightly amusing, or at least a place where I can put all my empty thoughts out there, y'know, let them spill out needlessly onto a poor unsuspecting world.

Most likely there will be one other person who I connect with, who I'm certain will adopt a less than healthy interest in me. Here's hoping: