"T'rific"

You basically cannot get any more Cockney than Mike Reid's character Frank Butcher from Eastenders. It's against the Laws of Engerland....

Famous for, among other things, these "classics";

"What do you think I am, some kind of pilchard?"

"You get smart with me pal, I'll come down there and give you a dry slap"

OK, taken out of context, it's not exactly Shakespeare... but you just can't get better than Mike; he started out as a comedian (first appearing on "The Comedians", which at the time was fairly cutting edge stuff, but today looks incredibly dated with its' mother-in-law jokes and "blue material") and TV Show Host (my childhood memories consist of Mike bellowing out "Run Araaahhhnnd"

Most people know & Love him as Frank Butcher from Eastenders; But he's also done some other quality, heavier parts, in my opinion, most notably in the tragically unknown "underworld" in which he plays a murderous Taxi Driver. absolute classic performance.

It's widely assumed that our friends over the water haven't got a fucking clue what we're talking about most of the time. Films like "Snatch" & "The Long Good Friday" are often met with frowns associated with foreign language films, which I suppose they are, (it's not unknown for the US Audience to use subtitles. what you really need is some kind of babel fish! ) this handy translator should help theidiots from now on, and here's a useful list if you're ever up in town, use these words as often as possible in order that you "blend in" and you don't draw unnecessary attention to yourself;

• Brass = Broke No Money (also "easy lady")
• Blower = Phone
• Yard or Manor = Home
• Filth, Copper,Old Bill, Pigs, Fuzz, Rozzers = Police
• Gash, Pum Pum, Wifey = Girlfriend
• Grass or Snake = An informer
• Hookie, Sucked, Jacked = Stolen Items
• Jack Jones = to be alone
• Iron or Iron Hoof = Homosexual

Yes - we love stereo types, or at least, I do: Eel Pie & Mash, Isle of Dogs, Pearly Kings & Queens, Greyhound Racing, Alf Garnett,
gangalnd shootings -

There is nothing, nothing better in life, than a proper fucking Cockney - "Boiled Onions"

• Steptoe & Son
• Max Bygraves
• Sir Michael "bleedin" Caine
• The "Chelsea Smile" Kray Brothers
• Tommy Steele
• & of course, Mr Mike Reid

• ...."Two Old Chairs in the back of the Van Ee Eye Ee Eye Oh, "