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The Big Lebowski - Fucking Short Version

R.I.P: Mike Reid

A Few Months ago I wrote a tribute to one of my biggest childhood heroes, Mr Cockney Himself, Mike Reid:

Mike went into The Big Jellied Eel Shop In The Sky over the weekend -

As Tribute to the man, I've re posted the below - Pray silence please, for the only cockney I ever Loved. Mike Reid.

......................................................................................

You basically cannot get any more Cockney than Mike Reid's character Frank Butcher from Eastenders. It's against the Laws of Engerland....

Famous for, among other things, these "classics";

"What do you think I am, some kind of pilchard?"

"You get smart with me pal, I'll come down there and give you a dry slap"

OK, taken out of context, it's not exactly Shakespeare... but you just can't get better than Mike; he started out as a comedian (first appearing on "The Comedians", which at the time was fairly cutting edge stuff, but today looks incredibly dated with its' mother-in-law jokes and "blue material") and TV Show Host (my childhood memories consist of Mike bellowing out "Run Araaahhhnnd"

Most people know & Love him as Frank Butcher from Eastenders; But he's also done some other quality, heavier parts, in my opinion, most notably in the tragically unknown "underworld" in which he plays a murderous Taxi Driver. absolute classic performance.

It's widely assumed that our friends over the water haven't got a fucking clue what we're talking about most of the time. Films like "Snatch" & "The Long Good Friday" are often met with frowns associated with foreign language films, which I suppose they are, (it's not unknown for the US Audience to use subtitles. what you really need is some kind of babel fish! ) this handy translator should help theidiots from now on, and here's a useful list if you're ever up in town, use these words as often as possible in order that you "blend in" and you don't draw unnecessary attention to yourself;

• Brass = Broke No Money (also "easy lady")
• Blower = Phone
• Yard or Manor = Home
• Filth, Copper,Old Bill, Pigs, Fuzz, Rozzers = Police
• Gash, Pum Pum, Wifey = Girlfriend
• Grass or Snake = An informer
• Hookie, Sucked, Jacked = Stolen Items
• Jack Jones = to be alone
• Iron or Iron Hoof = Homosexual

Yes - we love stereo types, or at least, I do: Eel Pie & Mash, Isle of Dogs, Pearly Kings & Queens, Greyhound Racing, Alf Garnett,
gangalnd shootings -

There is nothing, nothing better in life, than a proper fucking Cockney - "Boiled Onions"

• Steptoe & Son
• Max Bygraves
• Sir Michael "bleedin" Caine
• The "Chelsea Smile" Kray Brothers
• Tommy Steele
• & of course, Mr Mike Reid

• ...."Two Old Chairs in the back of the Van Ee Eye Ee Eye Oh, "

"T'rific"

You basically cannot get any more Cockney than Mike Reid's character Frank Butcher from Eastenders. It's against the Laws of Engerland....

Famous for, among other things, these "classics";

"What do you think I am, some kind of pilchard?"

"You get smart with me pal, I'll come down there and give you a dry slap"

OK, taken out of context, it's not exactly Shakespeare... but you just can't get better than Mike; he started out as a comedian (first appearing on "The Comedians", which at the time was fairly cutting edge stuff, but today looks incredibly dated with its' mother-in-law jokes and "blue material") and TV Show Host (my childhood memories consist of Mike bellowing out "Run Araaahhhnnd"

Most people know & Love him as Frank Butcher from Eastenders; But he's also done some other quality, heavier parts, in my opinion, most notably in the tragically unknown "underworld" in which he plays a murderous Taxi Driver. absolute classic performance.

It's widely assumed that our friends over the water haven't got a fucking clue what we're talking about most of the time. Films like "Snatch" & "The Long Good Friday" are often met with frowns associated with foreign language films, which I suppose they are, (it's not unknown for the US Audience to use subtitles. what you really need is some kind of babel fish! ) this handy translator should help theidiots from now on, and here's a useful list if you're ever up in town, use these words as often as possible in order that you "blend in" and you don't draw unnecessary attention to yourself;

• Brass = Broke No Money (also "easy lady")
• Blower = Phone
• Yard or Manor = Home
• Filth, Copper,Old Bill, Pigs, Fuzz, Rozzers = Police
• Gash, Pum Pum, Wifey = Girlfriend
• Grass or Snake = An informer
• Hookie, Sucked, Jacked = Stolen Items
• Jack Jones = to be alone
• Iron or Iron Hoof = Homosexual

Yes - we love stereo types, or at least, I do: Eel Pie & Mash, Isle of Dogs, Pearly Kings & Queens, Greyhound Racing, Alf Garnett,
gangalnd shootings -

There is nothing, nothing better in life, than a proper fucking Cockney - "Boiled Onions"

• Steptoe & Son
• Max Bygraves
• Sir Michael "bleedin" Caine
• The "Chelsea Smile" Kray Brothers
• Tommy Steele
• & of course, Mr Mike Reid

• ...."Two Old Chairs in the back of the Van Ee Eye Ee Eye Oh, "

"Lobsterisimus bumakissimus"

"Worst job I ever 'ad?, was errr, picking lobsters out of Jayne Mansfields bum!!!! Lobsterisimus bumakissimus"

It takes a lot of mental strength to not actually piss myself from laughing when I think of Derek & Clive: (or Peter Cooke & Dudley Moore) And of course, much has been said of these two, once "Friends" and loyal companions; much has been debated on their complex relationship, the bitter power struggles, the bullying.... yes. Lot's of people have taken it upon themselves to espouse their ideas as to what the hell happened.

And now they're both dead as Dodo's......

But let's not dwell on the tragedy, no!, let's guffaw!: this dialogue is taken from the wincingly uncomfortable TV/Doc/Comedy/Sketch/nightmare that was "Derek & Clive Get The Horn" :

Clive: I tell you one thing I can't stand.

Derek: Tell me.

Clive: About Russia, is the dead bodies in your hotel room.

Derek: Oh, Blimey, yeah.

Clive: Because I booked into, you know, a second class hotel, second class hotel, two stars. And, er, I asked, er, room service, erm, you know, for a light meal because I was going sight seeing the next morning. And I said I'd like some chips and, er, steak, medium rare and,er, banana fritter, you know, and this bloke come up to the room and frankly it wasn't what I ordered. He brought up, er, three thousand dissidents.

Derek: Oh, God.

Clive: With their testicles attached to electrodes. And I said call this fucking room service? Not room service, I said. I asked for chips, steak and banana fritters. I get three thousand fucking dissidents on a tray.

Derek: What are they trying to pull, eh? They think we're cunts.

Clive: I said, if you're expecting a tip, mate, if you're expecting a tip, you can get the fuck out of my hotel room.

Derek: Yeah.

Clive: Anyway, they just dumped them down on the floor. All these dissidents. I got talking to them, some nice blokes, actually. There's Sergia, er, Wolankov. Sergia Wolankov.

Derek: Oh, Wolankov, yeah.

Clive: He wrote some poetry, he wrote the poem saying, er, the Soviet Union is a khazi, Mr Breznev is a cunt, and, er, er, I want my freedom, you see. And he published that in a dissident newspaper.

Derek: I'd rather be room serviced than in prison. Clive: I'll say one thing for Russia, the health service is tremendous.

Derek: Oh, yeah.

Clive: As soon as you're ill, they kill you

R.I.P you beautiful Men!