"Why Can't I Get An Audition?"

In Brighton, If you throw a stick, you'll hit someone who says they're in the "Creative Industries" (for the record, sitting in your pants, uploading your CV to "Stage" website, does not make you an actor...). You've only got to go on Myspce and type in Brighton to be bombarded with "Talent". (I'm not fecking linking that!)

The Famous for 15 minutes idea has been buzzing around my head today. (and let's face it, I'm Subconsciously trying to gain notoriety with this blog... damn you Freud...!). You see it in the heavily edited audition tapes of every "Pop Idol","Feck Factor", "Shag ME! Academy" show. Everyone wants , nay, deserves to be on telly.... (& Famous, and Rich and Happy...)

I love the bizarre caravan dwelling family stampedes to "nasty" Simon Cowell's desk; c'mon Simon, just listen to my little Kylie sing again, p-l-e-a-s-e;

But no, She could be juggling cats.... Simon's word is as strong as Oak. He will not relent. and rightly so. In the Bible it says something about when there's no more space in Hell, then the dead will rise and roam the streets. I get the distinct feeling that Cowell is holding the key to the door. allowing the odd Satan's Angel to sneak out for some airtime, to save us all from more of this: just think of hundreds of thems stumbling about the gaff.

Ray Quinn, sort of an Eddie Munster meets Chucky Doll nightmare has been given public clearance to bleet out his blandness onto a poor unsuspecting public. In fairness, though. some of you actually voted for him. Don't you know what you doing, you're giving him artistic plausibility, put that phone down!.

Ray's Album consists of mainly Frank Sinatra & Dean Martin Crooning type numbers; Frank is said to have had one of the most technically pure voices of a generation, widely known for his impeccable tone and nuanced performances. His version of "My Way", for examply, has a depth of meaning that truly transcends just music, it's history, it's man telling his life story. It's fucking art...

Ray's little mouth cannot possibly ascribe to this: He's little brains have yet to understand the deeper meaning of true success or abject failure. In short, he is a BOY. The greatest Tragedy is that for some, Ray's scary little face and soulless voice might be as close to Frank or Dean's genius & perfection as they'll ever get. Believe it or not, I consider that a greater tragedy than say, Steps not reuniting.

But how can we blame him, in a world where "Smash Hits Re-hab pin up" Robbie Williams has lost so much credibility. I mean, 60 fags & 10 cans of red bull a day is probably going to give you a bit of a headache, but rehab? C'mon Robbie, you used to be beautiful.

As the late great Bill Hicks used to scream "I want my Rock Stars Dead!". But they don't die anymore, the keep on bouncing back.