"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."

- Rita Mae Brown (Civil Right Activist)

"Hello, I'm the Devil Incarnate"

This is Jeremey Kyle..... Jeremey "Jezza" Kyle's imaginatively titled TV Show "The Jeremy Kyle Show" tells us all we need to know about the current social climate in the UK।

Well, it does, if sitting at home in your "Pineapple" tracksuit bottoms chuffing on 60 Rothmans, and scarfing down any fast food solids within reach, signifies the "Common Man or Woman in England"

If you shag anyone but your husband/wife/partner and them kill them to death, attempt murder in some heinous way, drink too much before beating your children within an inch of their lives then I suppose you could argue that the show might have niche appeal... they might as well call it "Jeremy Burns a Pikey to Death"

It's about as close to reality as say, Jerry springer was to anthropology.....I seriously don't get it, and , before we go on, let's make one thing absolutely clear; Jezza's only qualification is as a Television Presenter. Let's just repeat that again... let the statement roll around your tongue for a moment, whilst the reality of those words seep into your noggin'. He is not a qualified counselor, Phsycologist or psychiatrist , but never mind. He's got an amazingly over sized mouth, and knows some seven-letter-words. he also wears a suit, which makes him a fucking expert doesn't it.

It's a bloody miracle any of the guests actually get a word in, as he recants; "Listen to me ...Listen to me ...Listen to me ...Listen to me!""Look at me ...Look at me ...Look at me ...Look at me!" every thirty seconds until they just stare at him like they're watching a feather in the air...

The audience & viewers don't turn up or turn on, to watch stories of triumph over adversity, they're not hoping to explore the complex psychological dynamics of relationships presented with challenging external influences. They want to boo and shout random expletives at a parade of social pariahs and pantomime villains: all executed by the Circus Ringmaster Jezza, who's only slightly less sinister that Jeremy Beadle (it must be the name)

Is there anything more hypocritical than his hammed-up pretence of being deeply shocked, outraged and saddened whenever a guest opens their mouth to speak their tiny little thought out loud. I challenge you to give me a reason for his existence!

sorry, but I think he.is.a.twit

Right, now that's over I can get on with me day. No links today..... oh, okay, just one: "Sunshine" (new Danny Boyle movie ) is due out in a couple of weeks, this is a little competition to promote this (probably) excellent film; more info here too

"Drink, Drank, Drunk"

So it’s Friday and, I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling a bit mingy after last night. I was excited that it was nearly the weekend and got pissed by mistake.

My girlfriend, and most of our little crew, seem to have been drinking more than usual this week (I'm on Doctors orders to cut down, due to my Liver currently being the size of The Isle of White. What does he know!)

Oh yeah, I’ve got an appetite for destruction today!, and feeling every bit a rebel. And as sick as a pike! Today’s post is in honour of all things a slightly “wrong” – do not click on any of these links!

• Especially this one : Heather Mills-McCartney's next Bandwagon : Words fail me :
• "Ohhhh, that crack's very moorish isn't it?" :
• When I'm a bit peckish, I eat my own scabs, how about you?
• Not funny, not ironic, just fucking awful; seriously, do not look here if you're feeling slightly weepy.
• YUMMY!
• Ever wake up in the middle of the night and think "y'know, I'm just not happy with the foreskin I've currently got..." well, worry no more....
  

40% off wine at Threshers, seriously, just print out this voucher

An Imitation of Life

Blade Runner, Possibly the definitive Science Fiction movie of the early 1980's.

It's courted controversy is now as established into the cult & pop psyche as the movie itself. The dubbed voice over, The final edited scene, The addition of a Unicorn. Ridly Scott on /off relationship with the financiers These have all added weight to the story of a film about Replicants.

But Phillip K Dick's Novel, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? , of which the film is tenuously based on, did not lend itself well to the medium of film . The language is difficult to translate, and the dystopian landscape within can be hard to imagine, it's full of the uncomfortable colour of a world gone wrong.

The central story line of the book is disjointed and difficult to sum up in a few words. I can imagine trying to pitch the book to a Hollywood producer would bring even the best out in a sweat.

The book was originally released in 1968 and was received about as well as any book describing a mans decent into confusion and doubt can ever be. Flash forward to the early 1980's and Dick's work was in development with some of the central characters intact. The rest came from the hearts and minds of screenwriters Hampton Fancher & David Peoples. On it's original release, Blade Runner did not receive particularly favourable reviews, and audiences did not necessarily embrace this idea of the future.

When the VHS rental phenomena began in the mid to late 1980's in the UK, the film begun to get its legs. Now of course, it's unusual to meet someone who hasn't seen it, and most of who have, consider it at least a work of weight and interest.

2007 will see what I think will be called "Blade Runner (25th Anniversary Final Cut)" which I believe will be Ridley Scott's attempt to put all the bits of all the other previous releases (of which there have been 7 so far) into some coherent order with extra scenes, deleted scenes, interviews, trivia etc into one 3 disc set (or something).

It's interesting to note that, as a philosophical comment on what it means to be "human", Blade Runner has few contemporary Science Fiction films on which it can be compared. As a visual aid to what an imagined future may look like, it's undeniably close to what we're living in now. Technologically speaking, many of the "Hi Tech" gadgets we see fleetingly in the film are commonplace items today:

But actually, all these effects or visions of a future are really just a backdrop to a very human question which threads throughout Blade Runner.

"Who am I?"

And, in fact, the one character that portrays in some way the pursuit for an answer is Roy Batty (pictured above), though his conclusion may not be a reassuring one, it is a most certain truth for his character; The irony of course, is that he is essentially far from human.

Some of Batty's last words reflect the truth of things;

“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe...All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain."

You don't have to be a fan of Science Fiction to Enjoy this film. You don't have to be an advocate of all things new. There's a sense throughout the film that actually technology is taking over human space, and certainly not always in a good way.

Oddly, for a film with very little dialogue, this is in someways an extremely pensive view on frailty.

...See this film:

The great thing about television is.....

".... that if something important happens anywhere in the world, day or night, you can always change the channel. " (Quote from the 1970's TV show "Taxi")

My mental TV landscape is not one of northerners talking about sheep-dip , nor is it cockney's trying to sell fruit from a "barrah" or havin' it off with the daughter of their brothers cousin. : No, my earliest TV memories are things like the Hill Street Blues theme tune, Six Million Dollar Man, Knight Rider, Harold Lloyd, Taxi, The Red Hand Gang, Twilight Zone, (it's no coincidence that all these shows come from across the pond)

And it's directly down to these shows, these TV memories, that I am who I am; Indeed, it's fair to say that American TV has subconsciously shaped my views on almost everything I believe in, I have become Americanised. (this would make sense of my shallow insincerity, and need to make everyone in the room laugh once every 15 seconds...)

It's no coincidence then, that when my girlfriend & I went to New York last February, I felt that I was literally inside a TV show. New York, & America, has all the colours turned up.... just a little bit. It is a country of extremes, everything is jurned up, or down, just a little bit;

Food is cheap, plentiful and accessible, yet the US also have some of the worst figures for food related poverty in the west. Sex is on show everywhere, in fact the US is the highest consumer of Porn related materials in the world, and yet has by contrast one of the most puritanical ideologies - and, to be honest, prudish sensibilites. There are in excess of 300 TV channesl in the US, more if you include Public Access TV, but flicking through the channels you would be forgiven to thin there are actually only a few shows ever on; "Friends", "Desperate Housewives", "Lost" or "2obloody4"

British TV, by contrast, can be a bit "twee" & amateur. However, well knownwe are to do extremely good Drama. Our D rama series' are heavily exported and extremely popular in countries such as the US, Australia and Japan (go figure).

Shows like "Our Friends in the North" "State of Play" & "Shameless" have enjoyed viewing figures to put other home grown shows to shame. In fact "State of Play" is currently in US development as a Film, with Brad Pitt linked to the project.

Also, UK TV comedy has had yet another second life, thanks to shows like "The Office" & "Black Books" as two examples, in recent years... (even though Gervaise openly admits being heavily influenced by US shows like "Seinfeld", "Arrested Development" & "Curb Your Enthusiasm", but we're not allowed to mention that....)

At the risk of treading slightly into Charlie Brookers territory, Telly is important. It's hugely influential in parts both good & bad.I'm not going to argue the Anthropological theories here, but I will use one case in point.

The Crazy Frog:

The Crazy Frog is/was a animation created to sell a ring tone. It really is as simple as that. Some people got uptight because the animated advert that was used to sell the ring tone, did show the the Crazy Frog's knackers... but ultimately, it was a vehicle to sell a product.

Because of Telly though, it became something else entirely. Despite the fact that the ring tone was rubbish, it sold in it's millions, and then, get this, they released a single that became number one in the UK top 40 charts, apparently it was number one for a million years. There is also a video game.... absolute genius, there are cartoons, sticker books, colouring in books. Sandwich boxed, rucksacks, Coffee cups. Are you getting the picture?

Telly is so good that, becuase Crazy Frog was pumped into our living rooms day after day, we actually went into shops, got out our wallets and handed over money to listen to an animated frog that had been created to sell a FUCKING RING TONE.

I think that pretty much sums it up really. We deserve everything we get.

"Why Can't I Get An Audition?"

In Brighton, If you throw a stick, you'll hit someone who says they're in the "Creative Industries" (for the record, sitting in your pants, uploading your CV to "Stage" website, does not make you an actor...). You've only got to go on Myspce and type in Brighton to be bombarded with "Talent". (I'm not fecking linking that!)

The Famous for 15 minutes idea has been buzzing around my head today. (and let's face it, I'm Subconsciously trying to gain notoriety with this blog... damn you Freud...!). You see it in the heavily edited audition tapes of every "Pop Idol","Feck Factor", "Shag ME! Academy" show. Everyone wants , nay, deserves to be on telly.... (& Famous, and Rich and Happy...)

I love the bizarre caravan dwelling family stampedes to "nasty" Simon Cowell's desk; c'mon Simon, just listen to my little Kylie sing again, p-l-e-a-s-e;

But no, She could be juggling cats.... Simon's word is as strong as Oak. He will not relent. and rightly so. In the Bible it says something about when there's no more space in Hell, then the dead will rise and roam the streets. I get the distinct feeling that Cowell is holding the key to the door. allowing the odd Satan's Angel to sneak out for some airtime, to save us all from more of this: just think of hundreds of thems stumbling about the gaff.

Ray Quinn, sort of an Eddie Munster meets Chucky Doll nightmare has been given public clearance to bleet out his blandness onto a poor unsuspecting public. In fairness, though. some of you actually voted for him. Don't you know what you doing, you're giving him artistic plausibility, put that phone down!.

Ray's Album consists of mainly Frank Sinatra & Dean Martin Crooning type numbers; Frank is said to have had one of the most technically pure voices of a generation, widely known for his impeccable tone and nuanced performances. His version of "My Way", for examply, has a depth of meaning that truly transcends just music, it's history, it's man telling his life story. It's fucking art...

Ray's little mouth cannot possibly ascribe to this: He's little brains have yet to understand the deeper meaning of true success or abject failure. In short, he is a BOY. The greatest Tragedy is that for some, Ray's scary little face and soulless voice might be as close to Frank or Dean's genius & perfection as they'll ever get. Believe it or not, I consider that a greater tragedy than say, Steps not reuniting.

But how can we blame him, in a world where "Smash Hits Re-hab pin up" Robbie Williams has lost so much credibility. I mean, 60 fags & 10 cans of red bull a day is probably going to give you a bit of a headache, but rehab? C'mon Robbie, you used to be beautiful.

As the late great Bill Hicks used to scream "I want my Rock Stars Dead!". But they don't die anymore, the keep on bouncing back.

"Am I Mingin'?"

Like a road accident you slow down on the motorway to look at, .... I've watched in slack jawed awe the hideousness that has been the PR circus of Miss Jade Goody. She has raised the bar on mediocrity to such a degree, even G, G, G Gareth Gates has retired. Andy Warhol said; "In the future we'll all be famous for 15 minutes", I'm not convinced he meant this:

I'm not going to get into wagon jumping that has occurred in recent Weeks' (I've always thought she was a twat, and I am obviously superior for knowing this...) Instead, I thought I'd highlight some classic Goody Twatery: (I don't care that that isn't a word, I'm on the moral high ground tonight...)

These wordy delights all came from Goody's silly little mouthole:

• Rio de Janeiro, ain't that a person?
• What's a sparagus? Do you grow it?
• Sherlock Holmes invented toilets.
• Mother Theresa is from Germany.
• It's Mona Lisa who's symmetrical, innit?
• They were trying to use me as an escape goat.
• Do you play croquet on a horse?

It's one thing to be bit "challenged", but it's entirely another for the rest of us to have to watch it. The fact the somehow we seemed to have applauded this idiocy for three years or so is just as criminal as her getting paid for being a caaaahhhnnt; but there you go: we'll always have Stars in Their Eyes

couple of things to take your mind of it all:

Frogger or watch some TV on your PC (good link...) or this or this