nevermind

Dawn of the Dumb

I very nearly coughed up a bit of sick in excitement, when I heard the news that Charlie Brooker has just published a new book. "Dawn of the Dumb: Dispatches from the Idiotic Frontline" it's in the shops (and amazon.co.uk) right now!.. What are you doing?. Go and buy a copy NOW!.

here's a little sample of my hero's literary genius:

"I don't get people. What's their appeal, precisely? They waddle around with their haircuts on, cluttering the pavement like gormless, farting skittles. They're awful."

hahahahhahhahhahhahha...see...funny....

I thought I was his biggest fan (at least, that's what I scrawled in my own blood the last time I wrote to him) but this little nuglet of media fluffery completely passed me by: I really must get my head out from up his bum and take a look around from time to time:

If you're at all interested, you can read his archived articles for commentisfree.co.uk, right here, plus there's his Guardian's Screenburn archive here. BBC fluff on Brookers TV Show "Screenwipe" here.

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I found this...

...the least you could do is look at it... well.... GO ON THEN!

Yeah... I was thinking about kicking back this weekend and doing some Meth. Nice
I wanted to buy some art for my daughters nursery. No Fluffy Bunnies here.Lovely
Are you a bit bored?Why not transform your skirt into a soda vending machine
Art or Abuse? You decide (Warning, this is not for the feint hearted)
A list of lists
Just in case you find yourself accidentally in a Zombie Apocalypse, you might want to read this
Books, online for Free, no catch. Now, read something...
You know what you've done? You've sharpened that pencil all wrong. Idiot!
Burning Man Festival (hard to describe...)
Fark! sounds rude don't it?.
Live Plasma, sort of a a-z of music, movies and stuff that's all nicely collated and that.

That's it...go on...bugger off

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Fight, Fight, Fight, Fight!

I'm the luckiest man alive!, yep, having a woman in your life that has the same utter contempt for celebland, and yet still has an uncontrollable urge to stare at them, unblinkingly... like road kill, means I get the best gossip, with added "bitchness". It's fucking ace!

The Macca-Stella-Pegleg-Mucca story just keeps on creeping on, like a 10 tonne haulage truck accidentally rolling toward a primary school. I'm loving every crazy second of it.

Now armed with recently updated sources of information (AKA my girlfriend*) I can reveal some interesting facts:

After pegleg's meltdown on GMTV yesterday morning, every woman in the country took a Mobile text vote, and decided by a 81.5% landslide, that Heather Mills is absolutely mad-as-hens!
Nobody actually cares if she is in possession of certain facts pertaining to her accusation that Sir Paul is in fact, a bit of a Cunt (sorry, I'm just saying verbatim what my source* told me)
The real reason that Pegger's & Macca split was due to the low resonating hum that emitts from her fake leg, which can, in some cases, cause depression and the pox.
Mills claims Sir P's daughter Stella was jealous of her and tried to wreck the marriage to her father...Oh, boo hoo.... They should put them in a ring and let them bitch fight it out. My money is on the "gutter pigeon" aka Heather Peg-Leg-Mills - I mean, she has a fake leg... she could beat the McCartney's out of you with it
Mills compared herself to Princess Diana, Gandhi, the Queen and Bob Carolgees (porbably, sorry Bob), all of which have also suffered at the hands of the press. Rumours of her ability to walk on water, cure lepers and time travel have yet to be substantiated.

"Yeah, I know it says Lennon-McCartney on the credits.. but can we just change it to McCartney-Lennon?, I mean, what's the harm....."

Should have kept it in your pants mate

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Holy Crap!

Boo!

Halloween... Scary innit?... (six year old's, running around in crap pound shop masks, asking for sweeties, how fucking terrifying)

If you have a heart, this will scare the heavenly crap from it: Nosferatu and you can watch the film here. Prepare for poo pants:

My missus has become unhealthily obsessed with that useless sick up "Scary" telly programme, "Most Haunted" (I'm not fucking linking that shit!), she'll sit there, looking a bit unwell, genuinely frightened whilst Yvette Fielding shouts inane threats into the air ("Throw something at me") and then nothing much happens for about half an hour. except maybe the camera man will say, "Oh my God, I've been attacked by dust, by jimminy those ghost's are scary"

- rubbish

But, the best thing about the show, in my opinion, is the freaky northern presenter & "Medium" (hah!) Derek Acorah. His attendance in this apparent paranormal reality TV twittery is worth a single viewing, if for nothing else but to stare at his choice of attire... look at him!, Dressed like a slightly effeminate Mafioso boss. And then, there's his "spirit guide", "Sam" (strangely not listed in the shows credits. I'd be a bit peeved)

I hide behind my hands trying to ignore the images of Derek conversing with "Sam";

"Thank you Sam";

as he describes, in detail, how someone from the 18th Century lived in the mock Tudor house, and came to a grizzly end with pitchfork. I fucking hate "Most Haunted". I sincerely hope that when I die, I come back and scare the living giblets out of these half wits... I firmly believe that most Ghosts, spectres or whatever have better taste than to rock up to converse with Akorah!

(we're told that "Sam" is from Asian origin, and possibly a young boy.. of course he is, look at Akorah)

I tell you what though, these video's scared the dirty pants off me!

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Blatant Friend Talent Plug!

My part time drinking buddy and full time misanthrope Simon Dixon Paints stuff on canvases and then sells it....

When he's not sitting around with his pants rounds his ankles, scratching his balls, he does stuff I like to call "the shit" like the above two pictures: there is a whole plethora of other great images what he's drawn and painted and that, here.

A simple idea link's every image he paints. He chooses famous people, who have an interesting history, but picks the moment the subject truly began to enter the public eye. Every image therefore speaks clearly of change, determination and the passion of holding true to one¹s self-beliefs.

He's so fucking talented, I hate his dirty fucking guts! Buy one of his pictures to shut him up!

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Gay Friday

Because we separate, it ripples our reflections...

Aaaahhhhhh yes.....

Those lovely fluffy bunnies that we call Radiohead , have caused a bit of a muffin fuss recently. Their new album, "In Rainbows" is not available in the shops (shocker..) but you can download it from their website, and, here's the "controversial" bit - you can either download it for nish, or, if you'd prefer , actually pay for their talents to gently cusp your ear genitals. (if you get my meaning?)

As my long suffering girlfriend will testify, I...fucking love... Radiohead. I'm not a complete cunt about it, but I really think they are my generation's Pink Floyd (Okay, okay, throw stones if you have to, but I don't really give a fuck!)

She will often look at me, and roll here eyes as I gaze off into some distant void, mouthing the words to "Let Down", "Exit Music(for a film)" or maybe "Nice Dream" like some sort of Gay....

I've read a couple of reviews:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2007/10/10/bmradiohead110.xml

http://www.nme.com/news/31710

http://www.list.co.uk/article/5200-radiohead-album-review/

Which all bang on endlessly, but y'know what, they all say the same thing to one degree or another, which is that "In Rainbows" is pretty, pretty, pretty good. And I have to agree.

It really isn't "The Bends" or "OK Computer" or even "Amnesiac" or "Hail to the Thief" but it has some of the stronger points of all of those albums, with some really, achingly beautiful moments, all of its own. I'm not going to go into anymore detail than that (but Reckoner is a fucking great tune...)

Here endeth the lesson.

Amen

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