"Why Can't I Get An Audition?"

In Brighton, If you throw a stick, you'll hit someone who says they're in the "Creative Industries" (for the record, sitting in your pants, uploading your CV to "Stage" website, does not make you an actor...). You've only got to go on Myspce and type in Brighton to be bombarded with "Talent". (I'm not fecking linking that!)

The Famous for 15 minutes idea has been buzzing around my head today. (and let's face it, I'm Subconsciously trying to gain notoriety with this blog... damn you Freud...!). You see it in the heavily edited audition tapes of every "Pop Idol","Feck Factor", "Shag ME! Academy" show. Everyone wants , nay, deserves to be on telly.... (& Famous, and Rich and Happy...)

I love the bizarre caravan dwelling family stampedes to "nasty" Simon Cowell's desk; c'mon Simon, just listen to my little Kylie sing again, p-l-e-a-s-e;

But no, She could be juggling cats.... Simon's word is as strong as Oak. He will not relent. and rightly so. In the Bible it says something about when there's no more space in Hell, then the dead will rise and roam the streets. I get the distinct feeling that Cowell is holding the key to the door. allowing the odd Satan's Angel to sneak out for some airtime, to save us all from more of this: just think of hundreds of thems stumbling about the gaff.

Ray Quinn, sort of an Eddie Munster meets Chucky Doll nightmare has been given public clearance to bleet out his blandness onto a poor unsuspecting public. In fairness, though. some of you actually voted for him. Don't you know what you doing, you're giving him artistic plausibility, put that phone down!.

Ray's Album consists of mainly Frank Sinatra & Dean Martin Crooning type numbers; Frank is said to have had one of the most technically pure voices of a generation, widely known for his impeccable tone and nuanced performances. His version of "My Way", for examply, has a depth of meaning that truly transcends just music, it's history, it's man telling his life story. It's fucking art...

Ray's little mouth cannot possibly ascribe to this: He's little brains have yet to understand the deeper meaning of true success or abject failure. In short, he is a BOY. The greatest Tragedy is that for some, Ray's scary little face and soulless voice might be as close to Frank or Dean's genius & perfection as they'll ever get. Believe it or not, I consider that a greater tragedy than say, Steps not reuniting.

But how can we blame him, in a world where "Smash Hits Re-hab pin up" Robbie Williams has lost so much credibility. I mean, 60 fags & 10 cans of red bull a day is probably going to give you a bit of a headache, but rehab? C'mon Robbie, you used to be beautiful.

As the late great Bill Hicks used to scream "I want my Rock Stars Dead!". But they don't die anymore, the keep on bouncing back.

"Am I Mingin'?"

Like a road accident you slow down on the motorway to look at, .... I've watched in slack jawed awe the hideousness that has been the PR circus of Miss Jade Goody. She has raised the bar on mediocrity to such a degree, even G, G, G Gareth Gates has retired. Andy Warhol said; "In the future we'll all be famous for 15 minutes", I'm not convinced he meant this:

I'm not going to get into wagon jumping that has occurred in recent Weeks' (I've always thought she was a twat, and I am obviously superior for knowing this...) Instead, I thought I'd highlight some classic Goody Twatery: (I don't care that that isn't a word, I'm on the moral high ground tonight...)

These wordy delights all came from Goody's silly little mouthole:

• Rio de Janeiro, ain't that a person?
• What's a sparagus? Do you grow it?
• Sherlock Holmes invented toilets.
• Mother Theresa is from Germany.
• It's Mona Lisa who's symmetrical, innit?
• They were trying to use me as an escape goat.
• Do you play croquet on a horse?

It's one thing to be bit "challenged", but it's entirely another for the rest of us to have to watch it. The fact the somehow we seemed to have applauded this idiocy for three years or so is just as criminal as her getting paid for being a caaaahhhnnt; but there you go: we'll always have Stars in Their Eyes

couple of things to take your mind of it all:

Frogger or watch some TV on your PC (good link...) or this or this

Spot the Family Resemblance?

Sundays I spend with my daughter, Eva: She’s four-and-a-half years old. She’s my little freak! In the last year she has developed a charm offensive that’s something to behold; most people who come into direct contact with her go weak at the knees and start to give her money. Though I think she’s eternally cute, I am immune to her dimples… mostly: Eva’s pretty much like most four year old girls, she likes pink clothing , “Bratz” and Dogs, she like running along walls, squirrels’ in the park and swings. She's recently started Ballet & Drama, God help me if she turns out like this: (I'm the one below by the way, aha hahahha bwahahhhaha...) Now that's out of the way - let no more be said on the matter. I promise not to post any more pictures of Eva and say really rubbish things like:" awww, look her her, like a little angel innit?."

I bumped into my friend Simon Dixon last night, a most excellent popular culture artist. Simon's looking for a new studio in Brighton, If anyone knows anyone with a decent space in town that's going spare, get in touch:
In the early 90's a friend introduced me to J.R. "Bob" Dobbs. For one reason or another I'd totally forgotten about "The Church of the Subgenius" Now I'm thinking about becoming ordained...

"Mother of God!"

In 1985 Weird Science was released: I was fifteen yeas old, and Kelly LeBrock started to happen to me. I can't be sure how many times I went to see the movie, it's all a bit of a blur. But what I do remember was siting there in the theatre, mouth slightly ajar, dropping the odd piece of popcorn vaguely toward it.

To a fifteen year old boy, she embodied every secret thought of what a woman should be. There's no doubt that her acting talent was, well, virtually non existent what a shame this happened to her. Ah well. Life.Moves.On.

"Bettie be Thy Name"

"Wowsers!"

I probably don't have to tell you why Bettie Page was one of the most popular Pin-Ups of her time (1950's, mostly). Here is some really interesting info on Bettie, and here is a decent gallery - I'd wait until you get home to view this:

in 2005 Gretchen Mol starred as Bettie Page in "The Notorious Bettie Page", which got pretty favourable reviews (Gretchen does look uncannily like Bettie, and then, err, not at all). Bettie, now in her 77th year, is finally getting some recognition as an "artist". I wouldn't know about that, but she looks deadly in stockings. Interesting also to mention that Harold Lloyd ("A Pair of Glasses & a Smile") also took to some interesting photography after retirement from movies....




Today, there's a new girl bringing Burlesque into the mainstream. No one is doing a better job, or showing more passion for the style and ideology than Dita Von Teese. There's a great book about Burlesque by Teese, which is definitely worth a look into: (It's art, so strictly speaking the nude pictures are actually a comment modern society. In other words, it's OK to look...) The best news is, she's no longer with Marilyn Manson. So knock yourself out!

"Your rolled up sleeves, and your skull t-shirt"

- Amy Winhouse: "You Know I'm No Good"

; "You say why did you do it with him today?And sniff me out like I was Tanqueray "
crackin' line:
She's ever so slightly bonkers, but I like it: She's got that B-movie-gak-head-rockabilly-chic-thing going on, or something

I got this T-shirt from Howcool.com (Ignore the suspect lingerie section, and just go straight to the T-Shirts)

I think it was about $25 (but no shipping or Import costs) which is a bargain, it's extremely good quality too.

There seems to be a resurgence of Rockabilly in Brighton You can also check out the Engine Rooms website for listings and stuff: "It's too cool for school daddy!" - but the Vince Ray Tattoos are just about the coolest thing there is... 20 Camels, a switchblade and a greasy jelly roll....

"I'm A Dark Little Poet Tonight"

"I don't mean to sound cold or cruel or vicious, but I am so that's the way it comes out."

-Bill Hicks, 1961-1994

... it's 1993, and my good friend Jo Young introduces me to a recording of comedian Bill Hicks (Rant in E-Minor), I was hooked and immediately became a complete fan. 1 year later, Bill was dead; he was 33 years old . RIP you dark little poet...

Now I know I'm not the only person to say this, but there's always been a special place in my heart for Hicks. He was, after all, something of a poet of our times. He did not dress up political confusion, and he certainly didn't have all the answers, but he did make you think about shit that was under the surface, and for that I am eternally grateful.

Couple of books that are either about him or written by him. Both are definitely worth reading, as they say as much about the times & Political climate Bill lived in as they do about the man himself.

Of course, Bill was gaining something of a cult status in the UK for his outspoken Stand Up Routines; some of the official recordings are here, but it's really not hard to find his stuff.

interestingly, and unlike some of his peers, Hick's material does not seem to have dated at all, in fact, it's become eerily topical , and there is also a Poignancy to his work - not least one of his most memorable comments during the "revelations" shows that were aired not long before he passed away. (insert lump in throat here)

"The world is like a ride in an amusement park and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and around and around and it has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud. And it's fun - for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question; is this real? Or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, and they say, "Hey, don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because... this is just a ride."

- Bill Hicks