'I'm afraid that I was very, very drunk'.

God, I love the intermenet. The catalogue of stuff that just seems to have no end, limitless and dark and without any real sense, like space innit?.

Glorious links to this genius creation from Paul Whitehouse writer and comedien off The Fast Show (said to be the definitive comedy sketch show of the 1990's... yes, it really has been that long.) , I bring you. Rowley Birkin QC

other stuff for you today:

Girls, if you like that HEAT Magazine, you'll love this; Weekly subscription to libelous smut on the great and good of celeb land

You know what I was idly thinking? what if I could set up my very own Michael Bolton Tribute, on Ice?. I mean, everybody loves Michael Bolton, right?, and everyone loves Ice skating right?. I'm fucking quids in. But you know what?, someone else has only gone and done it. Shit...

Here is an excellent website defamer for Hollywood bottom feeders

I LOVE LISTS:

Empire Magazine have listed 2007 top 100 movies in their forum section . Hmmm, I'm not sure that I agree with all the listings , but the reviews are written by readers of the magazine, and for the most part, give pretty good arguments as to why their votes count. the complete list is on the forum, but here's a gist:

1st Place: The Godfather (1972)

10th Place: Aliens (1986)

20th Place: The Big Lebowski (1999)

30th Place: City of God (2002)

40th Place: Memento (2000)

50th Place: Shaun of the Dead (2004)

60th Place: Dawn of the Dead (1978)

70th Place: Annie Hall (1977)

80th Place: The Truman Show (1998)

90th Place: Spiderman 2 (2005)

100th Place: Paris, Texas (1984)

A lot of very contemporary films creeping in at high numbers on the list. This is obviously not definitive, there are a lot of other film website with listings, but Empire does have a very strong following in the UK, and so can be taken seriously to a large degree. I don't agree with the list above for a number of reasons - mainly though because it's only representative of the last 20-30 years of film.

this is just weird;

• Salad Fingers
• Monster!
• Holy Shit!
• your life is meaningless and will amount to nothing, look at what this guy achieved, you idiot!

here endeth the lesson.

"God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things.

....Right now I am so far behind that I will never die” - Bill Watterson: Calivin & Hobbs comic strip writer.
As newspaper comic strips go, Calvin & Hobbs is up there with Charlie Brown. Whatever, I just like the quote, I like this one too:

"You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club..." Jack London (Author, "Call of the Wild" , "White Fang")

Anyhoooo. No particular theme today, which might annoy or frustrate some of you wanting me to stay on a straighter, narrower path. Don't fence me in!.

Whenever I'm looking for inspiration, I'm reminded of a passage from one of my favourite stories by James Baldwin (You can find out all you need to know about this amazing man from the link)

There is a short story named "Sonny's Blues" taken from a book of short stories and essay's "Going to meet the Man" The Story tells of two brothers in the early 1950's, both polar opposites in their experience of life; in particular the passage reflects on questions that resonate through all of Baldwin's work, questions on identity and personal meaning, only, in this case he goes some way trying to establish a point beyond certainty;

"For, while the tale of how we suffer, and how we are delighted, and how we may triumph is never new, it must always be heard. There isn't any other tale to tell, it's the only light we've got in all this darkness."

Of course, there are a number of ways this could be interpreted, and, taken out of the context of the book, even more ways to understand it. (if you want, you can read the paragraph in context here)

I've always chosen to remember this passage as an explanation to all things. Our "life tales" are meaning enough, and that is all the inspiration I need.

"If I had back, all the money I'd ever spent on Beer..."

"....I'd spend it all on Beer..."

This is my local pub, The Crescent, it's located on Clifton Hill in Brighton. It's a proper pub, as opposed to a bar - if you don't know the difference, it might not be your kind of gig.... but it's a good place with a lovely bunch of staff who are genuinely friendly, plus the beer is good.

They're starting a promotion on Saturday & Sunday nights: 70p off all draught pints - which means a pint of Foster is £2.30, or a Guinness £2.50, which can't be bad. the really good news is that it's an all night price, after 7pm. Happy Days!!!!

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you."

- Rita Mae Brown (Civil Right Activist)

"Hello, I'm the Devil Incarnate"

This is Jeremey Kyle..... Jeremey "Jezza" Kyle's imaginatively titled TV Show "The Jeremy Kyle Show" tells us all we need to know about the current social climate in the UK।

Well, it does, if sitting at home in your "Pineapple" tracksuit bottoms chuffing on 60 Rothmans, and scarfing down any fast food solids within reach, signifies the "Common Man or Woman in England"

If you shag anyone but your husband/wife/partner and them kill them to death, attempt murder in some heinous way, drink too much before beating your children within an inch of their lives then I suppose you could argue that the show might have niche appeal... they might as well call it "Jeremy Burns a Pikey to Death"

It's about as close to reality as say, Jerry springer was to anthropology.....I seriously don't get it, and , before we go on, let's make one thing absolutely clear; Jezza's only qualification is as a Television Presenter. Let's just repeat that again... let the statement roll around your tongue for a moment, whilst the reality of those words seep into your noggin'. He is not a qualified counselor, Phsycologist or psychiatrist , but never mind. He's got an amazingly over sized mouth, and knows some seven-letter-words. he also wears a suit, which makes him a fucking expert doesn't it.

It's a bloody miracle any of the guests actually get a word in, as he recants; "Listen to me ...Listen to me ...Listen to me ...Listen to me!""Look at me ...Look at me ...Look at me ...Look at me!" every thirty seconds until they just stare at him like they're watching a feather in the air...

The audience & viewers don't turn up or turn on, to watch stories of triumph over adversity, they're not hoping to explore the complex psychological dynamics of relationships presented with challenging external influences. They want to boo and shout random expletives at a parade of social pariahs and pantomime villains: all executed by the Circus Ringmaster Jezza, who's only slightly less sinister that Jeremy Beadle (it must be the name)

Is there anything more hypocritical than his hammed-up pretence of being deeply shocked, outraged and saddened whenever a guest opens their mouth to speak their tiny little thought out loud. I challenge you to give me a reason for his existence!

sorry, but I think he.is.a.twit

Right, now that's over I can get on with me day. No links today..... oh, okay, just one: "Sunshine" (new Danny Boyle movie ) is due out in a couple of weeks, this is a little competition to promote this (probably) excellent film; more info here too

"Drink, Drank, Drunk"

So it’s Friday and, I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling a bit mingy after last night. I was excited that it was nearly the weekend and got pissed by mistake.

My girlfriend, and most of our little crew, seem to have been drinking more than usual this week (I'm on Doctors orders to cut down, due to my Liver currently being the size of The Isle of White. What does he know!)

Oh yeah, I’ve got an appetite for destruction today!, and feeling every bit a rebel. And as sick as a pike! Today’s post is in honour of all things a slightly “wrong” – do not click on any of these links!

• Especially this one : Heather Mills-McCartney's next Bandwagon : Words fail me :
• "Ohhhh, that crack's very moorish isn't it?" :
• When I'm a bit peckish, I eat my own scabs, how about you?
• Not funny, not ironic, just fucking awful; seriously, do not look here if you're feeling slightly weepy.
• YUMMY!
• Ever wake up in the middle of the night and think "y'know, I'm just not happy with the foreskin I've currently got..." well, worry no more....
  

40% off wine at Threshers, seriously, just print out this voucher

An Imitation of Life

Blade Runner, Possibly the definitive Science Fiction movie of the early 1980's.

It's courted controversy is now as established into the cult & pop psyche as the movie itself. The dubbed voice over, The final edited scene, The addition of a Unicorn. Ridly Scott on /off relationship with the financiers These have all added weight to the story of a film about Replicants.

But Phillip K Dick's Novel, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? , of which the film is tenuously based on, did not lend itself well to the medium of film . The language is difficult to translate, and the dystopian landscape within can be hard to imagine, it's full of the uncomfortable colour of a world gone wrong.

The central story line of the book is disjointed and difficult to sum up in a few words. I can imagine trying to pitch the book to a Hollywood producer would bring even the best out in a sweat.

The book was originally released in 1968 and was received about as well as any book describing a mans decent into confusion and doubt can ever be. Flash forward to the early 1980's and Dick's work was in development with some of the central characters intact. The rest came from the hearts and minds of screenwriters Hampton Fancher & David Peoples. On it's original release, Blade Runner did not receive particularly favourable reviews, and audiences did not necessarily embrace this idea of the future.

When the VHS rental phenomena began in the mid to late 1980's in the UK, the film begun to get its legs. Now of course, it's unusual to meet someone who hasn't seen it, and most of who have, consider it at least a work of weight and interest.

2007 will see what I think will be called "Blade Runner (25th Anniversary Final Cut)" which I believe will be Ridley Scott's attempt to put all the bits of all the other previous releases (of which there have been 7 so far) into some coherent order with extra scenes, deleted scenes, interviews, trivia etc into one 3 disc set (or something).

It's interesting to note that, as a philosophical comment on what it means to be "human", Blade Runner has few contemporary Science Fiction films on which it can be compared. As a visual aid to what an imagined future may look like, it's undeniably close to what we're living in now. Technologically speaking, many of the "Hi Tech" gadgets we see fleetingly in the film are commonplace items today:

But actually, all these effects or visions of a future are really just a backdrop to a very human question which threads throughout Blade Runner.

"Who am I?"

And, in fact, the one character that portrays in some way the pursuit for an answer is Roy Batty (pictured above), though his conclusion may not be a reassuring one, it is a most certain truth for his character; The irony of course, is that he is essentially far from human.

Some of Batty's last words reflect the truth of things;

“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe...All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain."

You don't have to be a fan of Science Fiction to Enjoy this film. You don't have to be an advocate of all things new. There's a sense throughout the film that actually technology is taking over human space, and certainly not always in a good way.

Oddly, for a film with very little dialogue, this is in someways an extremely pensive view on frailty.

...See this film: